Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
