some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
