After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
