nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
