I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
