Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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