is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
