so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
