Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
