i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
