i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
