Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
