think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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