I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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