Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
