she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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