We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
