but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
