Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
