Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
