Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
