I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
