idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
