you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
