Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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