I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
