I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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