Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
