i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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