I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
