i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize