You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
