Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
