Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
