Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
