Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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