Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
