So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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