This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
