Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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