just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
