i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
