so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
