Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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