u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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