she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
