I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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