He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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