I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
