When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
