It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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