paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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