During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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