remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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